How to be a popular blogger

From time to time you’ll be called on to provide some sort of evidence to support your opinions. This is why the internet invented Google. Once you’ve decided on your opinion, use Google to back up your claims with authoritative research. Remember, neither you or your readers are idiots. So there’s bound to be a study out there that reaches the correct conclusion. If there isn’t don’t worry too much. You’ll just need to explain why all the researchers are biased (eg all medical research is funded by drug companies, climate researchers are all half-witted socialists).

Work hard

Of course to be successful you’ll need to work hard. You want to be the procrastinating office worker’s first port of call and that means having something fresh for them to read every time they sit back with a cup of coffee. So if you can’t think about something outrageous to say, link to someone who does. Linking to other like-minded bloggers will encourage them to link back to you. And remember, some of your readers will be using RSS feeds. That means you have to grab their attention with the title of your post and, at most, the first line of text.

Good luck

Any witty, intelligent person who follows my advice can become a popular blogger. If you try and it doesn’t work, don’t blame me — read the previous sentence again.