Body of evidence

A groundswell of collective shame accompanying ageing womanhood has built up in recent decades and I’ll be damned if I let it drag me under and force me to feel ugly, “less than” or irrelevant, merely because I’m no longer draped in the gleaming cloak of Youth (nor surgically altered to mimic it).

I’m sick of feeling bullied by what I am seeing in Hollywood movies and the media. What else can a girl do when she has run out of genuine role models? Become one, I guess. So I’m taking one for the team.

Instead of dragging my arse screaming and kicking into my 50th year on the planet I’m un-gritting my teeth, thrusting my chest out (literally) with pride and running joyfully, arms outstretched into the warm embrace of a life having been lived - with all the traces of that life, very evident on my flesh. Yes folks, this is a time to celebrate. Weeee! I feel great!

Well this was the theory anyway.

What remained to be seen was how it would pan out. First I needed a willing photographer.

As an actor, I mix in creative circles and while I’ve raised my hand a couple of times when photographer friends have put the call out for volunteer subjects, the phone never rang. Then Cait, a young actor friend of mine, posted some brilliant photographs of herself on Facebook. I connected with the images straight away and knew at once: I wanted to be shot by that guy.

Cait Shaw

The thing that impressed me most about the photos was his use of quirky angles and evocative lighting. If there were any “special effects” used, it was through the lens (e.g. in some cool, out of focus shots, she looked like a freaky alien).

I also noticed there was no post-production airbrushing of her skin (did I just hear a sharp, collective intake of breath?) Sure, the lighting enhanced the overall image and afterwards he did tweak the colour tones to ensure the subject didn’t (or did) blend into the background (depending on the look he was going for) but that’s neither here nor there. One particular image; a stunning, sharp black and white close-up shot of this girl’s slender torso, even revealed a tiny bit of dimpling on her tummy - thus bringing the surreal back to the realm of truth.

This was no smooth android version of “beauty”. Instead, our attention is drawn to the beauty of her healthy, human physique for what it was.

I wanted me some of that.

Cait assured me that Jason the photographer was always on the look out for “interesting” subjects, so I chased him up. And indeed, without even seeing me, he was very keen to get me naked. My reasons for wanting to do it reflected his reasons for wanting to take me up on it. The project was marinating with all the best possible intentions.