I hate Nicole Kidman

I hate Nicole Kidman. It started a very long time ago and I hate how much I now hate her because so many people seem to love her and I just don’t get it. Her latest elevation to be named NSW Australian of the Year beggars belief.  Is this for services to perfume?

I hate the way that the media seem to assume that everyone loves her when everyone I know can’t bear her. It’s strange that someone who you don’t know can evoke so much resentment (I hate that!). I hate her acting, particularly in television interviews and I can’t sit through a film with her in it. I’ve found women her age (my age) especially do not like her, but I suppose that is just dismissed as jealousy.

I really hate that!

I hate the expression “Our Nic”. It is such a masculine prerogative to brand things to establish ownership, and given how much this woman irritates me, the fact that she is home-grown does not need to be rubbed in. I would much rather read about “Our Troops” coming home or “Our Harbour” being the finest in the world. Claiming group ownership of a skinny little actor seems somewhat obscene.

Listing a "thirty something" actor as a living national treasure is bizarre. Among her snowballing list of fawning accolades, Kidman was named by Time magazine as one of the 100 most influential people in the world, but (to steal a line from an American commentator left off the list) who exactly does she influence?

What exactly is her legacy? Does encouraging men to drool and women to buy magazines (to find out whether she is sleeping with Steve Bing or starving herself to death) count?

Newspaper reports that she made Ken Allen, Australian Ambassador to New York, "shake" in the excited aftermath of meeting her, is diplomatically embarrassing.  What is it with men and this woman? I hate this. Is her glamour persona as an untouchable ice queen irresistible?

Getting dressed must take her forever, I mean for a curly haired redhead, how long must she spend transforming her hair? A bad hair day at the Kidman house must see 14 people getting sacked.

After seeing the dramatic documentary about the making of - wait for it - her new two and a half minute perfume ad, you have to wonder what next? Actual footage of Nicole cleaning her teeth? Can’t wait for the DVD.

If you key “I hate Nicole Kidman” into Google you get an astonishing 167 reference pages. Obviously more people than you would think have sat through her film “BMX Bandits”.

When film veteran Lauren Bacall, who sees Nicole as a relative beginner, had the temerity to correct a sycophant reporter who described Nicole as a “Legend”, she was pilloried around the world. I mean what would this Bacall woman know? Does she even wear perfume?

With all the excitement over Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming Governor of California I think I should be getting in early and start preparing my “No to Nicole Kidman as First Australian President!” banners.  Maybe even a few budget  “Nic Off” ones.