Santa's apocalypse

"After all," the Count continued, "it is not often that one gets to operate on such an apocalyptic scale. Amongst my minions I have some very promising creatures, but they train mainly on simulations and, you know, even the best of these can't compare with the real thing. They need to get up to their armpits in some wet work. They need this."

Santa remained silent.

"And to be blunt," the Count concluded, "Australia has had this coming for a long time."

"Yes, I've read the file," Santa responded, making a huge effort to focus on the grim task at hand:

"Racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, climate change denial, Islamophobia, genocide, problem gamblers, economic rationalism, political incorrectness, capitalism, hate speech, hate media, destruction of old-growth forests, inadequate support for the arts, too much money for independent schools, Qantas, bogans, and so on … I've read the file, it's all there."

He hesitated. "But is it proportionate? To unleash the Wrath? I mean it's not Nazi Germany!"

Odious stiffened: "Isn't it? Many prominent people, influential people, opinion-makers, disagree with you. They're quite certain that Australia is the most appalling place!" He paused: "I mean it was these people who insisted on the review that led to this decision. They're adamant that Australia must feel the Wrath."

Santa was nonplussed: "You mean, they invited it upon themselves?"

"Yes, well no, not the ordinary folk, of course. But these prominent people did, although the more important of them will be out of the country when it happens, in Geneva, I believe, attending some UN conferences."

"But," Santa persisted, "surely many of these issues are not cut-and-dried, they have two sides. Isn't it a lot to do with freedom, divergent values, the desire to build a better life - democracy?" He stopped, noticing the sneer on the Count's face and sensing that he was sounding weak.

"It's just," Santa sighed, "it's just that … is it really evil on such a scale to justify … this?" and he gestured at the plan Odious had placed on the desk.

Santa already knew the broad outlines of what was proposed. It was to be an exemplary punishment - on a continental scale. Gigantic swaths of human settlement would be subjected to the Wrath, especially the suburbs: from Pakenham to Melton; from Frankston to Whittlesea; from Wollongong to Newcastle; from Manly to Katoomba; from the Gold Coast to Noosa; and from Brisbane to Ipswich. The entirety of Western Australia would be severely chastised, along with all the regions and the coastal towns. Canberra and Tasmania would be spared.