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Hello, Internet dating!

By Marilyn Parsons - posted Wednesday, 5 November 2008


Welcome to the age of globalisation, modernity and all sorts of other forms of “progressiveness”. A couple of years ago I did an assignment entitled “Progress is Always Good”. Unfortunately I didn’t know then what I know now. Progress means the Internet, no barriers, there is no time therefore there is no reality.

How does one meet prospective mates in middle age? Gone is the monthly Church Hall dance. Even the School of Arts is just a dieing shell. Where is the opportunity to meet other singles? Well, one can go to a club or pub and get “picked up” but I’m not into pick-ups. So, “Hello Internet dating”. Sounds safe as I’m not going out to a strange place meeting strange men, Yep, it’s safe.

Internet dating is the modern Millie’s way of finding love. I have to make a profile. Gosh, looking at the profiles of other women “faithful, loyal GSOH, loves cars, loves sport/fishing/beer”!! WOW! Not much hope for “Charming, attractive, educated. Delicious, delightful, delectable”

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Ahh, the dreaded “E” word! Educated! That is a bigger turn off than the “I” word. Intelligent.

Now I have to sort through male profiles that seem so very similar. “Honest gent, GSOH, own teeth (and three strand of hair tied into a pony tail!), looking for down to earth, loyal, trustworthy, athletic female for relationship.” That seems straightforward. Wait a minute, “relationship” used to apply to your relatives not a living arrangement. So this man wants a cook, cleaner, housekeeper, travel partner (must pay her own way) and a bed-warmer with an intellect that is not too obvious. Gotcha!!!

Men seem to want “activity partner, (I don’t dare ask what that means) or “groups”. No way I’m going there!

OK, back to love hunting. After bending over the computer night after night, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Some one has sent me a “kiss”! Don’t I just feel oh-so-very-important!! Mr 6’4”, 62-years-old, athletic build, wants to meet lady, body shape not important, (my alarm bells go off instantly), has seen my profile asking to meet “Single man, no one-night stands, long term relationship or marriage”. Saved! He’s gorgeous.

We seem to click, and he decides we need to meet.

Wow, I really must appeal to him. The meeting was like an interview. I was told what he liked and didn’t like and what he “did” and “didn’t” do (the latter was a very long list).

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In the “olden days” we would have met in familiar surroundings but instead we met at McDonalds. All of a sudden there seemed a huge gap between a dance 40 years ago and McDonalds. Was this a sign of progress? Where does a widow at the age of 60, or thereabouts, go to meet men?

Maybe I didn’t make myself very clear in my profile or maybe my words were too precise to be taken literally. I am an attractive, intelligent widow. I am a mature-aged university student doing my BA in Humanities and Languages. I am looking for a man who can love and be loved. I am very tactile. NO one night stands.

The man I hope to meet should be compassionate, passionate, tactile (and I don’t mean wandering hands), preferably about 6’ and somewhere between 58 and 70 years old, single and educated. Simple.

But why do men insist upon saying “My friends say I am a nice guy”? They are your friends for goodness sake, so hopefully they wont say you have a foul temper and a big chain saw and you’re a horror story waiting to happen! If you are going through divorce or have just finished one, of course you will have baggage. You have to mourn your loss! Goodness me some people say silly things.

OK, so you know I am looking for a man aged between 58 and 70, so why on earth do men as young as 28 hit on me? I have shoes older than them. I draw the line at 45. That’s 10 years older than my son and even that is a bit young.

The Internet not only allows you anonymity it removes you from reality. The Internet allows people to be the person they dream of being. So, they tell a few lies and break a heart or two but that’s OK, the Internet’s not reality! No one gets hurt … or do they?

In a deregulated world the Internet is thriving. There are no rules for Internet dating. NO rules and NO morals is a good guide. In this “free market” medium, you impose your own rules and regulations.

But how do others know my rules and morals? I have to weave my personality and morals into a few words and try to “sell” myself. I have to be careful because if I say I like kissing, whoosh, they’re all over me like a rash! “Cuddles” invokes the same response. “Chaste”? “Liberated”? “Tactile”? All give different meaning to different readers.

Which raises the question: do Internet dating users have too high expectations? Of course I’m going to say “No”. All I want is a man with intelligence, who is tactile (without groping), who is not afraid to love and be loved unconditionally. Is that too much? And of course he must be aged between 58 and 70 (but perhaps I will take any age after all as I am starting to get desperate).

I am not the world’s best housekeeper but apparently I am in the top 10 Best Kissers list. What else can I say about me? I added a recent pic to my profile so when I say I am “beautiful and brilliant” interested males can see I am honest (OK, so that’s in my opinion).

I am 60 years of age and if my parts are wearing out that is OK. However, I would expect most 60-year-olds to have more than a sore toe. I am not looking for someone to look after me; I want someone who is alive and not afraid of living. But I can’t put that in my profile. I want my knight in shining armour, all right, it can be a bit tarnished but he’ll be my knight and will kiss my fingers after he slays the dragons.

I am not materialistic. I’m a lover not a fighter. I do enjoy a glass of (good) red and I love (good) conversations. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. Seduce me with your words. Heavens, if I said that on a profile I could just imagine the replies!

The year is 2008 and globalisation is here. Gone are many traditions. There are a lot of single alone and lonely people behind closed doors. Every night they go online and to look for company and/or love. It is a new medium with it’s own language.

But why does the Internet dating work for some and not others? Is it because people are not being honest with what they want?

Most women want a stable relationship and therefore state the dreaded “m” word - marriage. Men often use the term “friend”, which can equate to permanent bedmate or one-night stand. The language is confusing. I am an attractive woman, intelligent, into Humanities more than Science, I love philosophy. I am a goopd cook (bad speller) warm and loving and alone. Why? What am I doing wrong? I am the eternal optimist so will keep going into the Internet each night or second night, and one day I will find him. I hope . At least I have found a site that does not charge for contact.

There are some happy stories to be told regarding Internet dating, and I personally know some happy couples. So why do the majority NOT work?

Disillusioned and disappointed, I’ll go to another site and fill out another profile.

Oh, what happened with Mr 6’4”, gorgeous male?? We met, saw each other a few times but there were no sparks or oomph. Mr 6’4” couldn’t give me what I needed, I needed affection. I wouldn’t give him what he wanted (s*x). I need to love unconditionally but that was impossible, as I doubt his wife would have appreciated that.  He was great eye candy, but hollow upstairs.

The Internet is making it easier for men and women to cheat. So, in the year 2008, most things have a “use by” date: maybe that includes love.

I still live in hope.

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About the Author

Marilyn Parsons is a 60-year-old widow and university student (UWS). She is doing her BA in Humanities and Languages with a double major in Philosophy and Politics. Marliyn is secure enough with herself to know she is attractive and interesting.

Creative Commons LicenseThis work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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