Do we do it? You bet! Condoms? Hmm ...

Behind all the moralising and the intricate layers of socio-cultural restrictions, however, would it be farfetched to assume that young, urban Indians are nonetheless enjoying healthy sex lives?

More blushes and embarrassment, but the answer is yes. So how do young Indians negotiate the need for safe sex and HIV prevention strategies with one another?

With great difficulty, say many. It’s often a tricky issue between even the most regular partners. “My boyfriend doesn’t want to wear a condom when we have sex, because he thinks it means I don’t trust him,” says one girl. But is the risk of unprotected sex worth taking? As AIDS marks its quarter century of existence, the emotional force of the “trust” issue in sexual relationships continues to overshadow logical, tacit, self-protective strategies for avoiding HIV infection.

Can you trust a guy who thinks you’re demonstrating that you don’t trust him by asking him to put on a condom? “Nobody wants to be tested. Everybody is complacent, thinking AIDS is going to happen to someone else. Guys think you’re accusing them of sleeping around when you ask them to wear a condom”.

When several of those we spoke to claimed that AIDS is “something that happens to lower-class people or those who whore around”, it becomes clear that it is not just middle-class sexual taboos limiting the use of HIV prevention strategies among young Indians. Is it time to ask whether sexual trust is all its cracked up to be in Indian culture?

Another asked why girls can’t “just take pills or something like that for protection against HIV infection”.

Does a guy’s reluctance to wear a condom make you think about not having sex with him? Yes, say some; no, say an equal number of others.

Among young New York and London adults, the idea of taking an HIV test together has become a rite of passage in a relationship, often to the point of reassuring their parents of the sincerity and longevity of a young couple’s emotional bond. “We’ve had the test” says a young cousin of mine, warming to the subject of her latest boyfriend.

Attending, at age eight, the funeral of an uncle who’d died of AIDS may have had something to do with her heightened awareness, but these days she just wants everyone to relax and enjoy themselves without taking stupid risks. Condoms are part of the weekly shopping at her residential college, she notes with a self-conscious giggle, but when her mother beams with relief, it’s clear that safe sex is now de rigueur in this family.

“Condoms take a backseat when you are in a relationship”, say her Indian counterparts for whom the subject of safe sex is still uncomfortable. “If I asked him to wear a condom, he would say that nobody he’s slept with has had AIDS,” said one young woman who is nonetheless adamant, “I won’t have sex with him if he refuses”.

Are condoms easily available to young people in their social group? “They are available but there’s still some stigma .The shop guy looks at you weirdly when you ask for them, and it’s even harder if you want to buy emergency contraceptive pills.” Condom dispensing machines would really help, many say, as would more outlets that were open round the clock.

What are some of the things your peers say about HIV-AIDS? “All Africans have AIDS. White people don’t get AIDS unless they take drugs. It’s taboo to interact with Indians who have AIDS. Sex with virgins protects you against AIDS. Nowadays, it’s glamorous to say you’re working with AIDS in Africa,” reply the many voices.

Glamour, shame, indifference, ignorance, reticence, vulnerability and awkwardness - taking on the world though these young adults might be, but despite their privilege, HIV-AIDS is one battle where even the Indian elite have a long way to go.